Chasing Joy and Wonderment
by Natalie Elizabeth
Summary: She has spent her whole life running. What if instead of running away from life, she chases after it. Post Watershed, because we all need a way of dealing with it :)
1. Chapter 1

Katherine Houghton Beckett stared at the ring in front of her.

Did he just...

No he couldn't have. Yet there was a ring in front of her all the same. A bright shiny ring. Beckett looked down into Castle's blue eyes, and simply melted as she always did when looking at him. He was down on one knee in the middle of a playground. Mothers, fathers, and nannies were watching children playing only a few feet away. Yet here he was, eyes beseeching her to answer.

"Castle, I..."

Beckett's speech was cut short when she heard the sound of gunfire. She looked towards the sound and saw a blue beat up old car slowly driving past the playground. A young man leaning out the window holding a gun.

"Get down" Beckett yelled at Castle, pushing him away from her as she threw herself to the ground as well.

"Get down," she screamed again to the people in the playground.

When Beckett saw the shooter aim the gun away from her direction, she leapt up and pulled her gun.

"Call 911," she yelled to Castle, not sparing the author a glance as she ran towards the vehicle. It was up to her to stop this potential massacre.

"NYPD," she screamed as she neared the vehicle.

The shooter spared her a look before leaning back into the vehicle. He obviously urged the driver to take off as the car increased its speed. Beckett sized up her surroundings. There were adults and children lying on the ground, voluntarily she hoped. She made sure the area was clear before she lifted her weapon and fired at the vehicle. When the back window exploded, the vehicle suddenly jerked sideways before smashing into a light pole.

"Call 911 now!" Beckett yelled to no one in particular as she ran towards the now stopped vehicle.

The door to the car opened and the shooter fell out of the car onto the ground. Beckett approached the vehicle with caution.

"NYPD. Put your hands up."

The assailant seemed to be surrendering by raising his left hand.

"Both hands," she yelled.

He moved slowly at first moving his right arm but not raising it. Suddenly he extracted his right hand pointing a small hand gun directly at her. Beckett didn't hesitate to fire off a shot. Her shot had been accurate and the man slumped to the ground, the weapon falling from his hand. She approached with caution: there was still another potential assailant in the car. Beckett had seen too many action movies to know that a person was no longer a threat when he was six feet under and not before. Watching the car, Beckett kicked the gun away from the prone man on the ground before taking a few steps back and levelling her gun at the car.

"NYPD. Get out of the car, hands in the air."

"Okay, okay. Don't shoot. I'm getting out, please don't shoot."

Beckett's heart twitched at the sound of the young man's voice breaking as he spoke. The kid hadn't even gone through puberty yet and was already an accomplice to what she hoped was a failed attempt at a driveby shooting. The teenager rounded the car and looked in horror at the man lying on the ground. A small pool of blood was seeping out from under him.

"Is he dead?"

"Check his pulse," she told the boy. She had no back up. There was a chance that the man was faking it; she couldn't risk her life or anyone else's.

Beckett watched the frightened boy poke the man's neck a few times.

"I think I feel something. He is breathing though. I think I can see his chest moving. That means he is alive, right?"

Yes, breathing indicated life. Beckett glanced at the body as she took a cautious step closer. Yes: there was definitely a rise and fall of the man's back. Keeping her gun pointed at the two males, Beckett looked around at the many witnesses that had circled once the gun fire was over. Seeing quite a few people with their phones out, she hoped one had called 911 and not simply posted a picture of her taking down the shooter on Facebook.

"Did anyone call 911?"

Beckett was relieved when a few nodded their heads. Her faith in society was briefly restored. She looked over her shoulder to the playground, trying to assess the situation there. How many people had been shot? Were they alive? Where was Castle? She figured he would have come after her once the shooting had stopped. Maybe he was helping out a victim. If he was, maybe her skills were needed elsewhere.

Beckett pulled her cuffs out and threw them at the driver who was definitely too young to have a licence.

"Cuff yourself to your friend there,"

The boy did as he was told. Satisfied that the two weren't going anywhere Beckett assessed the crowd and spotted a tall beefy guy wearing black. She saw he had an ID tag hanging off his chest.

"Hey you, tall guy," she yelled to the man and ushered him over with her free hand.

"Yes, ma'am,"

"Are you a security guard?" she asked, looking him over.

"Yeah. I'm on my way to work,"

Beckett nodded. The backup she needed.

"You carry a weapon,"

The man nodded and she watched as he pulled out a Taser. Beckett shrugged, it would have to do.

"Can you do me a favour? I need to go and check on any victims over there. Watch over these two, if either of them moves don't hesitate to shoot. "

It was unorthodox, but she had no other choice.

The man nodded at her. "It would be my pleasure."

Beckett nodded at him. She hoped she was doing the right thing. "When the police arrive, tell them I'm Detective Beckett from the 12th, and let them know where I am."

He nodded again and Beckett turned back and ran back the way she had come. She approached the playground, and was glad it didn't look like a complete war zone. There were a few people still on the ground, but they seemed to be moving. A lot of crying from both adults and children could be heard. She assumed they were ok. They were probably more scared to move, rather not having the ability to do so. There were a few people running around trying to help others, splashes of blood could be seen on their garments. She would help them soon, but first she needed to find Castle. He was a man who knew how to take action in a crisis. Wherever he was, he was needed. Beckett scanned over the area trying to find him.

A dark cloud settled over Beckett when she looked towards the swings she had been sitting on. Three people were hovering over a person on the ground. Three people who were not Castle.

"Castle," Beckett gasped. She sprinted over to the swings as fast as she could. She felt as if she were in some strange dream where her legs wouldn't move fast enough. Suddenly, it felt as if her chest was bursting open when she saw white writing on the bottom of a pair of black shoes. 'This way up,' the left shoe practically screamed at her while the other simply had a smiley face. She had caught sight of the writing only a few weeks ago. Castle had informed her if he was ever murdered, he wanted the M E to at least have something to smile about.

"Castle" she screamed as she pushed two of the people out of the way. The sight of Castle's pale face and the red stain spreading across his chest had Beckett falling to her knees. She couldn't help it, her legs just gave way. A woman was currently holding what once must have been a white sweater over Castle's chest.

"Castle. Chest. Blood." was all Beckett could manage.

"The bullet went straight though," the woman told her. "I'm a nurse,"

Beckett nodded at her before looking over Castle. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving. She should be doing something. She knew she should be doing something but she didn't know what. Her mind went blank as she looked over his still body.

"Castle," she gasped as she held his lifeless hand. She had to grip it tightly, his blood was still wet and slick on his hand. Had he reached for his wound before he became unconscious? "Castle come on. Open your eyes. Castle. Don't do this to me. "

He still didn't react. She ran a hand over his face and winced at how cold it felt. Beckett shuffled closer and winced when her knee hit something hard on the ground. She attempted to brush the burden away but when her hand connected with it she stopped. Looking down she shuffled back and saw that it hadn't been a rock digging into her. It was a ring. Her ring. The ring Castle had tried giving her.

"Castle" she gasped again. She clutched the ring tightly in her hand. "Castle come on, don't leave me,"

"We need some help over here," somebody yelled.

Beckett watched as the woman who was currently keeping Castle alive turned to look around.

"I have to go."

Beckett looked at the woman in shock. "What? No. You can't leave."

How could this woman leave Castle?

"I have to. There is nothing else I can do for. Can you keep the pressure on? I have to go and make sure other are ok"

Beckett looked at the woman who was holding the blood soaked sweater to Castles chest.

"I... I... I,"

The nurse grabbed Beckett's hands and placed them on top of the blood soaked cloth.

"If you want him to live, keep pressure on it. Okay."

Beckett started to shake as she looked down at the blood on her hands and the blood on Castle's chest.

"Okay." she stuttered.

The woman dashed off, one of the people who had been looking over Castle went with her.

"I can do that if you prefer,"

Beckett looked at the figure that was kneeling next to her. She hadn't really looked at the person she had pushed over.

"What?" she asked the young woman.

"I can hold pressure on the wound if you need to go help others,"

"No," Beckett screamed. "I can't leave him."

"I've had first aid training,"

"No," Beckett screamed again. "I can't leave him. I won't."

"Okay, okay. Is there anything else I can do?"

Beckett looked at Castle. How could things change so quickly? One moment he was on one knee now his whole body was on the ground. He had held up a bright shiny ring in his fingertips. Now that ring was in her pocket covered in blood.

"Can I do anything?" the woman asked again.

"The police are here," someone yelled out.

Beckett felt relief when she saw the familiar looking cars.

"Go get them,"

"Who?"

"The police," Beckett told the woman who knew first aid. "Tell them we have an officer down and we need help here immediately."

Sirens were blaring. People were crying. Police officers were now yelling instructions. Beckett heard none of it. All of her focus was on the man lying on the ground before her. The man who had held her in much the same way what seemed like a lifetime ago. A sniper had shot at her and he had tackled her to the ground. He had covered her body with his own to protect her. This man had stayed with her and held her in her dying moments. Castle had stuck with her and yet she hadn't done the same. While Castle had been lying on the ground, in the mud, in the sand, in the dirt, she hadn't been there for him. She had run off and done her job!

"Excuse me miss, you need to move out of the way,"

Move. What? No she wasn't leaving Castle.

"No, no. I have to stay with him."

"Miss, you have to move so we can help him."

Beckett looked at the person next to her. She took in the familiar paramedic uniform and slowly removed her hand.

"Detective,"

"What?" the man asked as he started cutting her favourite shirt off his body. They were all her favourite shirts, they belonged to Castle. The paramedic was ruining one of Castle's shirts.

"I'm a Detective. Detective Kate Beckett."

"Ok then Detective, you need to move back,"

Beckett moved back an inch.

"Excuse me, Detective."

Beckett watched as two men started working on Castle.

"Excuse me, Detective,"

Beckett turned to the person who was addressing her. She blinked a few times before realising he was wearing a different coloured uniform.

"Yes, officer."

"We were informed by the security guard over there that you are the person who apprehended the driver. We were told you also shot the main suspect."

Beckett nodded at the man before turning back to the people who were working on Castle. What were they doing and why weren't they doing it faster?

"Excuse me, Detective. We need to speak to you about the incident."

"I need to stay with Castle." she told them.

"The paramedics are working on him. Here, let me help you up."

Beckett felt a hand wrap around her arm.

"No," Beckett told the man trying to swat the officer away. "I have to stay with him."

"There is nothing you can do for him at the moment,"

Beckett turned and looked at the officer in shock. "I can stay here with him. Be here." Beckett staggered to her feet. "I can't leave him." she yelled angrily.

"What you can do is tell us what happened so we can make sure the guy who did this goes to jail." The officer gently took her by the arm and led her away. Beckett hesitated before stumbling away.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"A man started shooting from a car,"

Beckett looked over the playground. Multiple people were talking to officers. When did they all get there? A few paramedics were scattered around, treating victims and the man who had created them. The paramedics were helping save the man who had harmed Castle. Beckett turned to look back at Castle, fearing what would happen to him if she lost sight of him again. The paramedics were loading him onto a gurney. How had that happened? Wasn't that too quick?

"Castle," Beckett took a step towards him.

"Detective," the officer tapped her on the shoulder.

"I have to go," she told him.

The officer stepped in front of her. "You need to stay so we can work out the facts."

"I have to go with Castle," she told him.

"You need to stay, I need more facts" he informed her.

Beckett blinked a few times, finally listening to what the officer was saying.

"I need to stay," she told him, it finally dawning on her.

He nodded at her. "Yes, you can't go yet."

Beckett nodded her head. "I can't go."

* * *

Author Note: I have been really apprehensive about posting this story. Didn't even talk much about it to my friend who I usually talk non stop to about my stories. I think this is a lot different to what I normally write. Maybe a bit darker. MMM. Also not sure if the protocol was right by some of the minor characters but I felt if I changed it it would change where i was going to go with the story. So believable or not, it is what it is.

I hope you like it.I'm actually scared about your reactions, Ive never been like that with any of my other fics

Please let me know either way.

*Natalie*


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: This is not a death fic. Just don't tell Beckett that.

Ok so I should point out something. Watching the season finale was hard for alot of people I think, but especially for me.

See I was dealing with a similar situation to Beckett. Should I stay or should I go. At work they announced that 400 people needed to go, right around the time of the last few Castle eps. They were offering severance pay packages and were asking for volunteers. This has happened numerous times in my 10 year career and normally they get too many. Not this time. So for awhile I was worried that I would be forced to leave. Then the company made a announcement that even with the 400 leaving the company was still in big trouble. The future was looking grim with the rumors of pay freeze, pay cuts and losing leave loading for afternoon shift. And a bunch of other stuff. So then I had to make my mind up to stay or go. Hard decision . In the end I decided to go and Friday was my last day at work.

Dealing with all that while writing this story, not so good. I was feeling very glum and was hoping writing would pull me out of it. MMMMM yeah. I am actually really excited about my future even though I have no plans, but Caskett's future is still unsure so the glumness remains. Haa haa.

Anyway just wanted to explain it to you.

Reviews make me happy as well as happy Caskett stories so send them my way please.

Thanks everyone

* * *

Beckett was already throwing money at the taxi driver before he had even stopped out the front of the hospital. She wasn't sure how much she had given him and she didn't care. Getting to Castle was her main priority. The fact the taxi was still moving when she opened the door didn't faze her. She just used its momentum to propel her towards the automatic doors faster.

Protocol.

Procedure.

The two reason why she hadn't been able to escape the playground and be at Castle's side. Her assistance had been required. She needed to do the right thing so she could achieve justice for Castle and the other victims. Yet doing the right thing had seemed so wrong. As soon as she could, she jumped in a taxi and had come straight to the hospital. She was in no state to drive, something that almost never happened. If Castle had asked to drive she would have said yes, except he couldn't drive because he was shot. He had been shot and she hadn't realised.

Beckett took a deep breath as she scanned over the people in the hospital. Martha and Alexis were already at the hospital waiting for her to arrive. Waiting for her to be the strong one.

'Katherine, please get here as soon as you can.'

Those had been the pleading words from Martha only minutes before. Beckett had never heard Martha's voice tremble the way it had. She hadn't been the one to call Martha to tell her Castle had been shot. No. She had called Alexis, who had then called Martha. Alexis, who had stayed calm the whole time.

Which was more than she could say for herself.

She hadn't even thought to call Alexis or Martha. It was as if her mind had gone completely blank. She had to be asked the same question several times by the officers. Somehow she had managed to answer him. In monosyllabic words. Yes. No. Ummm. Apart from that her mind wasn't working.

The officer who had been talking to her asked if she needed to call anyone. Their kids, parents? Beckett's fingers had fumbled over the touch screen on her phone until finally the officer had offered to help her. At first, he even had to hold her phone against her head because her hands were shaking so much. The longer she was away from Castle the more her resolve was slipping. She was finding it hard to keep it together.

"Kate."

Beckett turned around and saw Martha rushing towards her.

"Martha, how is he doing?"

Martha held onto her arms and Beckett was grateful for the support. "They are operating on him now. We should hear something soon. The bullet went straight through, in and out. That's good, right?"

Beckett tried to keep it together. Yes, it could be a good thing; it could also be a bad thing.

"Where is he?" Beckett asked.

"We are waiting over here,"

Beckett noticed that Martha kept one arm wrapped around her own. She was glad for the contact as she wasn't sure she could do this on her own. After walking down a few hallways, Beckett was glad that Martha had come to get her. In her state of mind, there was no way she would have been able to find them.

When they came across Alexis, Beckett marvelled at the young woman's strength. She was sitting on a hospital chair, her back ramrod straight. None of the worry that she was surely feeling adorned her face.

"Darling, have you heard anything?" Martha asked her granddaughter.

"Gram, Kate. No. No one has come to see me yet. Kate, what happened? How did dad get shot?"

Beckett closed her eyes as the sound of gunshots rang in her ears. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Which one had been the one that got Castle, she wasn't sure. She suddenly felt sick and dizzy and hot.

"Kate, why don't you sit down?" Martha offered.

Kate nodded, and opened her eyes as she was led to a chair next to Alexis. She undid her jacket and fanned herself. 'Keep it together, Kate,' she told herself.

"Oh my gosh Kate, are you injured?"

Suddenly, Alexis' hands were on her stomach, and Martha had a hand on her shoulder.

"Kate. Are you ok? Were you hurt?" Martha questioned.

Beckett looked down at her shirt. "Umm no, I'm fine. The blood, it's not mine. It's,"

"Dad's?" Alexis asked.

Beckett gulped. "Yeah,"

"What happened, Kate? How did dad get shot? No one is saying anything. All I know is what you told me. He was shot. Why wasn't he wearing a vest?"

Guilt swept over Beckett as she closed her eyes again. She hadn't told Alexis any details on the phone. It was important that someone was by Castle's side. She had been straight and to the point, like a cop.

Beckett licked her lips and swallowed deeply before opening her eyes and addressed Castle's little girl.

"We weren't on a case. We were sitting at the playground talking, just talking. Suddenly shots were being fired from a car driving past. I tried to protect him. I pushed him to the ground but I guess I was too late.."

"Richard Castle,"

The three women looked up at the doctor that was approaching them.

"Are you here for Richard Castle?" he asked again.

Alexis stood up but Beckett remained seated. Oh God this was it. This was the moment where they told her that he was gone. That they were sorry but he didn't make it. We tried our best.

"How is he?" Martha demanded.

Beckett held her breath.

"He is in recovery at the moment. He has come through the operation fine."

A tear slipped down Beckett's cheek. He was fine. What the hell did that mean? Fine. She had just told Martha and Alexis she was fine and she clearly wasn't.

"Can.. can we see him?" Alexis managed to get out

Beckett stood at hearing Alexis stutter. The girl wasn't as strong as she made herself out to be. That was her job; Beckett needed to be strong for Castle's family.

"I am sorry, not now while he is in recovery."

"Excuse me. I am Detective Beckett. Could she just see him for a minute? It's her father. She won't touch anything, I promise," Beckett pulled her badge from her waist and showed it to the doctor.

"Detective 'Kate' Beckett?" the doctor asked.

Beckett nodded as she put her badge away.

"You're the Detective who is responsible for this hospital not being a mad house."

Beckett frowned. "Umm, excuse me?"

"My brother in law is a paramedic. He told me a Detective Kate Beckett was at the playground when the shooting happened. Shot the guy before he could do any more damage. Apart from Mr Castle and the gunman, only one other person had to be operated on. A few flesh wounds, minor cuts and abrasions were all we have had to deal with. Which is pretty good considering what we have had come in with other drive bys."

Beckett gulped. She hadn't really paid much attention to the other victims. 'No fatalities yet' had been something she had picked up from one of the other officers, but figured it meant it was too soon to tell. No one had been killed but Castle wasn't out of the woods yet, not until he was out of the hospital.

"That was you wasn't it? I can't imagine there are too many other Detective Kate Beckett's out there,"

Beckett shook her head. "No there isn't. I shot the gunman, it's what I had to do. I'm a cop." Her brain still wasn't functioning properly.

The doctor nodded. "Well, a lot of people want to shake your hand, I can tell you that. I guess we could break the rules for you. Just for a minute or two, though."

Beckett forced a smile for the doctor. "Thank you,"

The doctor urged Alexis forward but she didn't move.

"Kate, maybe you should go."

Beckett shook her head at her. "No, Alexis. You go see him. Make sure he is ok. We'll be waiting."

Alexis nodded before following the doctor. Beckett closed her eyes and took a few steps back. Arms were on her shoulders again and she felt herself being guided to a chair. Beckett hung her head down and covered her eyes with her hands. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be strong. Her resolve broke, and the tears she had been trying to hold back suddenly burst from her eyes. No matter how hard she shoved her palms into her eye sockets, she couldn't stop the tears.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry," she uttered over and over again.

"For what dear?" Martha asked still holding her.

Beckett tried to pull away from the woman's grasp but she didn't have the energy. "Castle being shot,"

"It's not your fault," Martha told her.

"I wasn't there for him,"

"I don't understand,"

Beckett took in big gulps of air. "He was laying on the ground bleeding out and I wasn't there for him. I went after the gunman and left him there, to dieeee." The last word came out as a wail, but she couldn't help it

Martha ran a hand over her arms, trying to reassure her.

"Oh honey, don't be silly. You went after the man who hurt Richard. He would understand, he would have wanted you to."

Beckett shook her head and finally mustered up the energy to pull out of Martha's grasp and stand up.

"No, Martha. I didn't know Castle had been shot. I shoved him to the ground. I shoved him. I didn't even check to see if he was okay. I just pulled out my gun and ran away."

"Not away, Kate. After the gunman who shot Richard. Who shot at other people."

Beckett ran a hand through her hair and then gripped her skull. She needed to grip onto something, because she was slowly losing her grip on reality.

"I ran away and did my job. I did my job and left Rick to die,"

Beckett gasped a few times. She couldn't breathe. Her mouth was sticky from all the crying. It seemed she couldn't stop the various liquids excreting from her body. Turning a few times Beckett started looking around for something but she didn't know what. She was frustrated and she needed to do something, needed to go somewhere. Pacing back and forth Beckett started ringing her hands. She then hugged herself, then moved back to wringing her hands again. Her breathing was erratic and she couldn't get it under control.

"I chose my job over Rick," she finally managed to get out, almost choking on the words.

Beckett felt her legs weakening and she sunk to the ground. Through her slightly blurry vision, she saw her blood stained hands standing out against the bright white floor. She knew even if she scrubbed her hands raw she would still see the blood on them. Lady Macbeth came to mind instantly, and Beckett no longer thought of the woman as insane.

Beckett felt herself being pulled up from the ground. Well, yanked was more like it. She blinked a few times to clear her vision then stared in shock at the woman before her. How did Martha have the strength to lift her up?

"Now, you listen to me, and you listen well, girl."

Beckett trembled at the sight of a very angry Martha Rogers.

"Kate Beckett is a cop. She goes after killers. Richard knows this. It's one of the many things he loves about you. He wouldn't begrudge you for going after the gunman. Especially when it's become clear he could have killed so many other people. Now pull it together. Richard needs you to be strong."

Beckett shook her head. "I don't know if I can do it,"

Martha shook her slightly. "You can. You're Katherine Beckett. You fight for truth, justice, and the American way."

The corner of Beckett's mouth slightly lifted. "That's Superman Martha, not me,"

"That's where you're wrong. You have no super powers and yet you keep fighting anyway. Fight now. Fight for Richard. Fight for what's important to you. Fight for what's inside here." Martha rather forcefully poked Beckett in the chest twice.

Beckett stepped back and rubbed a hand over her chest, the other over her face. Fight for what was inside. Beckett didn't know what was there anymore. For so long it had been empty, but now. Now she didn't know.

"Dad's ok," a relieved Alexis interrupted.

Beckett quickly swiped her hands over her face a few times trying to wipe away her break down.

"Did he say anything?" Martha asked.

"Oh yeah, he is high on painkillers, and is a little woozy from the anaesthetic."

"What did he say?" Beckett questioned, coming out from her hiding spot behind Martha. Her waterproof mascara had better be working otherwise she was suing the company.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "He asked if he was going to have a scar like Zorro," the young woman then sliced a z in the air with an imaginary sword.

A genuine smile appeared on Beckett's face. "We were watching Zorro a few weeks ago,"

Alexis nodded. "I think Dad has been watching far too much TV. He started reciting lines from Chuck."

"What's Chuck?" Martha questioned.

"It's this TV show about a nerd who kind of becomes an accidental spy," Beckett told Martha. "Castle has been trying to get me to watch the show for ages. I finally agreed to a marathon last week but only because Alexis was going to watch it with us. She promised to keep your son under control." Thinking of Castle in a happy, alive way was bringing Beckett back to normal.

Almost.

"Is the show terrible? Because Richard has been trying to get me to watch some Sci fi show for ages but I simply can't bear it,"

Beckett shook her head. "The show is actually good. The thing is one of the main characters reminds me of this jack ass detective. So, which lines is he reciting, Alexis? He isn't saying 'Awesome', is he?"

Alexis laughed. "No, he's reciting the line Chuck says from when he and Jill were pretending to be engaged. Well he is paraphrasing it. "She gets the 5 C's. Color, cut, carat, clarity and Castle,"

Beckett froze. Was he really reciting lines from the TV show or was he talking about them? Beckett slid her hand into her pants pocket and gripped the ring inside.

"He then told this terrible 'Dad joke' but I got to give him some credit, he was under the influence. Apples and Cherries have to get married in a church because they Cantaloupe,"

Cantaloupe. Can't elope. It really was a 'Dad joke' but it was also a Castle joke. Apples and Cherries. He was Apples and she was Cherries. Marriage. Marriage between two very different fruits, but in the end they were all just the same.

"Well, if Richard is telling jokes then he must be doing fine."

Beckett looked at Martha: she obviously didn't know her son well. At times, Castle used humour to cover up what he really was feeling. It was his coping mechanism. His way of coping when things were bad. He must have thought things were bad. That, or he really was high on the painkillers.

"They're going to move him to another room shortly," Alexis told them. "He'll probably sleep the rest of the night. They said he isn't critical, but they will let one of us stay with him overnight if we want."

Beckett nodded. She knew that nurses needed room to walk around and treat the patient. If too many people were in the room, they just got in the way. They said Castle wasn't critical, so protocol would be that all visitors leave at the end of visiting hours. She wondered if the doctor had pulled some strings for her.

"Why don't you stay with Dad, Kate,"

Beckett looked at Alexis in shock. "What, no Alexis I couldn't."

"Are you sure?" Martha asked her.

Beckett nodded. She looked down at herself. "I'm a mess at the moment. Both physically and mentally," she admitted. "Your Dad needs to see your smiling face when he wakes up."

Alexis frowned at her. "Are you sure?"

Beckett nodded. "You need to be here for you, too. I'll be back tomorrow."

Beckett hugged both women before hastily exiting the hospital. She had been in such a hurry to get there but now she couldn't wait to leave. Having a breakdown in the middle of the hospital in front of Castle's mother was bad. It had been awhile since she had what she referred to as a panic attack. She had been so proud of herself. The trick was to not get too stressed out. If she felt one coming on, she usually got herself out of the stressful situation. Sometimes she slept or had a shower. Watched something funny on TV. Once she had even called Castle, asking him if he had adjusted her chair. It had been before they were together, and he hadn't known she was using him to quell her fears. He just denied adjusting her chair, and then the conversation had moved onto other things.

She couldn't talk to him now, but she did have to get away from the stressful environment that he was in.

She told Alexis she needed to be there for her father. What Beckett needed to figure out was where she needed to be.

* * *

Warning. I am going away in just a few short hours up to the Gold Coast. This cold weather is driving me nuts and i really needed the break from all the stress going on. So no new chapter for at least a week. But because you guys were so nice with the reviews (I expected none or angry ones) I decided to give you this chapter to say thanks.

Oh and a big thank you to **CCLMS **and** Mazzy- Lee** who read a bunch of my stories in a row and added them as favorites. I saw my inbox and nearly broke teeth because i was smiling so much. Love yas


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the well wishes for my holiday and job hunting. Your reward... A really long chapter, enjoy. Oh and there is a surprise at the end

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Beckett's lip trembled as she looked at the door before her. She wasn't sure about coming here, but she needed to do something. Her life was in turmoil. After leaving the hospital, she had gone to her apartment. Not her home! It certainly hadn't felt like home when she opened the door and walked in. Her apartment was an almost foreign place to her even though she had been there recently.

Ignoring the cold empty feeling she felt while standing within the four walls of her apartment, she went straight for her shower. She needed to get Castle's blood off of her. The clothes she had been wearing went straight into the trash. Even if she could get the blood out of them, there was no way she wearing those items again.

Once she was in the shower, she had given a good performance of Lady Macbeth. Sitting on the ground with a scrubbing brush in her hand, she had scrubbed her hands within an inch of their life. She was halfway up her arms with the brush before she realised she was having another attack. Dropping the brush like it was a hot potato, she then fell back against the wall and cried.

She cried, cried and cried.

When it had become hard to breathe because of her crying and the steam of the shower, she crawled out. Literally. On her hands and knees, she exited the shower. She had pulled down a towel, loosely wrapped it around herself and then continued to sit there.

When had her life become so messed up, or had it always been that way? Things had been going along just fine, or had they? She was so confused about love and life and she hated it.

So, why then was she here? She needed help and she hated to admit it. Beckett slid her keys into the lock and opened the door. Walking in, the essence of the place swept over her. She looked at the pictures on the wall. Family! She looked at their smiling faces and the love clearly shining in the people's eyes.

Love.

Beckett trembled. She took a deep breath as she felt the imminent attack coming on. Looking around, Beckett bit her lip. She needed help. Now!

"Daddy," Beckett screamed out.

She looked into the lounge where he was normally sitting at this time of night. He wasn't there. Walking further into her parents' house, she called out again.

"Daddy."

Maybe he had gone to bed early? Hearing no response, Beckett headed towards the kitchen where there were lights blazing.

"Daddy," she called out again as she entered the kitchen and saw her father.

She quickly ran to him and threw herself into his arms.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Katie I..."

"Daddy it's all messed up. Rick's been shot and he proposed," That hadn't been exactly what she was going to say but it just came out.

"Katie," Jim Beckett tried again.

"Oh daddy, I don't know what to do," Beckett rubbed her head against her father's shoulder. "I thought this job was what I wanted. I thought Castle and I were just having fun. He never gave me any reason to think it was any more than that."

Beckett hugged her father tight.

"We've been coasting along together, Dad. Just playing it by ear. He hasn't asked me to move in with him; I just sorta never went home. We were supposed to have dinner one night, but he thought he might be late, so he gave me a set of keys and I just never gave them back. Rick had gone home before me one night to deal with a drama Martha was having. When it was time for me to leave the precinct, I was hungry and Castle has better snacks. So I went to his home and he seemed happy to see me in the morning. So I kept doing it"

"Umm Katie listen," her father tried to pull her out of his arms but she resisted.

"Daddy I know you probably don't want to hear this about your little girl but I really need you," she told him. "It has been me to take the big steps Dad. I was the one to suggest the family dinner. I was the one to offer him a drawer for his clothes at my place. It's been all me Dad."

"Kate, maybe" Jim tried to interrupt his daughter.

"No Daddy please let me get this out," Beckett pulled out of the hug but still held onto her father's arms. "When this job offer came up I didn't think much of it at first. Then I started seeing it as a challenge, a goal to work towards. I didn't think I had that with Castle and I didn't want to waste this opportunity. I didn't want to hate Castle if I stayed for a relationship where we weren't on the same page about what we wanted. Now things have changed Dad. He's offered me a commitment and I don't know what to do."

Beckett took a few deep breaths. It was a lot to dump on her father. He was never one she turned to in times of crisis in the past. It had always been her mother. Usually after all the crying, talking and ice-cream her father would come in and ask if he needed to get his shotgun out. It was an empty threat because he didn't actually have a shotgun, but it had always made her smile. That's what she needed now. To smile again.

"Daddy for once in my life I want you to tell me what to do?"

Jim Beckett stared at his daughter.

"Katie."

Beckett nodded at him. She wanted to know the answer that would define her future.

"I have company," he told her.

Beckett froze for a second before tilting to the side to look behind her father. Her eyes widened when she looked at the person sitting at the kitchen table.

"Ohhhhhh" Crap! "Martha."

"Hello dear."

Beckett closed her eyes and bit her lip. "Martha, what are you doing here?"

"I needed a drink and someone to talk to," Martha picked up a glass and took a sip.

Beckett looked at the table and saw the bottle of wine and two glasses. Gritting her teeth Beckett glared at her father.

"Oh, it's non alcoholic," Martha told Beckett. "It's not too bad actually," Martha said as she took another sip.

"Katie, why don't you sit down and have a drink with us?"

Beckett shook her head. "No. I should go. I'll leave you to." She then looked between her father and Castle's mother. "To whatever it is you were doing."

Beckett turned to walk away.

"Now Katherine, wait. It's not like that at all."

Beckett took a deep breath before turning around to face Martha. The only time she had been been called Katherine was when she had been naughty and her parents were telling her off. Hearing Katherine often had her shuddering and waiting for the inevitable punishment. No TV. No books. No motorbike. Yet when Martha called her Katherine, all she felt was comfort. She knew the only thing she should be expecting by hearing Katherine was love.

"I came to see your father because I was worried about you and my son dear," Martha told her.

Becket offered Martha a brief smile. Martha wasn't just worried about Castle: she was worried about her, too. The woman had sought out her father to talk about the mess she obviously knew about.

"So, my son actually proposed, did he? I hope he bought you a wonderful but appropriate ring."

Beckett nodded at her as she pulled her necklace out from under her shirt. She had stopped wearing her mother's ring around her neck on a daily basis. It was only when things had gotten hard or she had a particularly bad day that she would wear it. After her shower she had pulled out the necklace and ring. She had given it a good clean along with the ring Castle had given her. Cleaning Castle's blood off the ring had given her a good chance to actually look at it. It was beautiful and would suit her style, not too big and over the top. When the ring sat on her finger it wouldn't look like she had a pebble stuck to her finger. Her first thought had been to put it in her jewellery box for safe keeping. The ring had sat there for two seconds before Beckett removed it and put it on her necklace. For some reason, she felt as if she needed to keep it close by.

Beckett held up the ring on her chain. "It's a beautiful ring Martha."

Martha nodded at her even though it would have been impossible for her to see it from where she sat.

"That ring isn't my son's first sign of a commitment to you."

Beckett frowned. "What do you mean?"

"His will. Did you forget about that?"

Beckett eyes narrowed at the woman. "What about his will? What are you talking about Martha?"

Martha's eyes narrowed. "You really don't know about his will. I assumed he told you, considering he has a copy of it taped to the inside of your work locker."

Beckett's eyes widened. "He what?"

Martha shook her head. "He had it in his head that his Will could go missing. So he made sure he had multiple copies of it stashed away."

Beckett shook his head. "Doesn't his lawyer have a copy?"

"I do," Jim offered up. "But he was worried about how easily files got lost or modified especially in regards to things that went on with your mother."

Beckett mouth gaped open. "Dad, you're his lawyer? But you don't deal with that kind of thing,"

Jim shrugged. "He came to me because he said his lawyer was moving to LA, and he wanted someone he could trust."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I guess I thought you knew."

Beckett shook her head.

"Regardless of who Richard's lawyer is dear, he put you in his will. He emailed me a copy if you would like to read it."

Martha pulled out her phone and held it at a distance from her face and began poking at her screen.

"He emailed it to you?" Beckett asked confused.

Martha nodded. "Yes. I told you he was paranoid. He emailed a copy to me and Alexis and told us to keep it in a separate file in our inbox. Another copy is in your locker. There is another in his safe at home too. Silly technology," Martha held up her phone to Jim. "Jim dear, can you figure out how to use this damned thing. I am trying to get into my email and it's just not working."

Jim shook his head. "No need, I have a copy of Rick's Will here. I'll just go get it."

Beckett turned her head and watched as her father leave the room.

"My Dad has a copy here at home. What was Castle so paranoid about? Does he have the map to the fountain of youth or something?"

Martha shook her head as she ushered Beckett forward. "No but I guess he was worried his ex-wives would try and get more of his money. He gave them 2% each of his fortune, which I think is far too much,"

Beckett walked over to the table and sat down next to Martha. She lifted her father's glass to her mouth and took a sip. For non-alcoholic wine, it wasn't too bad.

"Here it is," Jim said as he walked back into the room with several sheets of white paper in his hand. He sat down at the table and offered the pages to his daughter.

Beckett looked at what her father was offering her. Castle's will. Wills were meant to be read once someone had died. Castle was still alive and she couldn't bear to touch it and tempt fate. She shook her head.

"I'll read it to you," Martha told her as she took the pages. "If you are reading this, then I Richard Castle have left this world. Or you just want to know how much of my fortune you are getting,"

Beckett raised her eyebrows at that. She looked at her father and Castle's mother, hoping for some explanation.

Jim shrugged at her. "He said he was a writer and wanted to leave a final stamp on the world. I just made sure it was all legal."

Martha seemed to be skimming over a few parts, mumbling as she went, before she got to the bit she was after. "Here it is." Martha then cleared her throat. "I ask that Katherine Beckett look after my daughter Alexis,"

"Hold it," Beckett interrupted. "He asked me to take care of Alexis years ago. He thought he was going to die. He was acting irrationally, so I told him yes. I didn't think he was serious but obviously he was. That is probably just transferred over from his old will. Besides Alexis is of age now."

Martha shook her head. "You didn't let me finish. ' I ask that Katherine Beckett look after my daughter Alexis and my mother Martha and they in turn look after her."

Beckett was startled by this. "He what?"

"He wants us to look after each other after he is gone,"

Beckett shook her head. "That doesn't even make sense. Why is that even in his will, Dad?"

"He wanted to make sure you girls knew what his last wishes were, so I put it in there."

Beckett shook her head, confused. Weren't wills meant to be who gets what? She brought her hand up to her mouth and nibbled on her thumb nail. In a way, Castle was giving her his family, and giving his family her.

Beckett shrugged. "So that doesn't prove anything. We were friends before. It makes sense he would want us to look out for each others' family."

Martha sighed. "Jim when did you make this will for my son?"

Jim smiled. "January."

Beckett frowned. "January two thousand and what?"

"13."

Beckett stared at her father before looking away. He had asked her father to write up a new will only months earlier and had made this new change then.

"Well, technically he asked me Christmas 2012?"

Beckett looked up. "What?"

"The surprising phone call you made to me Christmas morning. When Rick asked to speak to me, he wished me Merry Christmas. We chatted for a bit and he asked me then. He realised it was a bit morbid asking such a thing on Christmas day. Christmas was about families, he told me, and he wanted to make sure his was protected."

Beckett nodded at her father. It made sense. Sort of, but to her it didn't prove anything. Beckett heard her father sigh.

"Martha, I think you better read the rest of his will to her. She still isn't convinced about how committed Rick is to her."

"Right," Martha told him. She skimmed over the pages. "Money to a variety of charities including his ex-wives," Martha muttered. "Oh Dr Parish gets a sum of money to ensure she always has scratchless safety goggles," Martha told her. "Whatever that means."

Beckett bit her lip and smiled. Castle had complained about the goggles he had to wear in the morgue. Beckett had purposely given him the worst pair just to annoy him.

"Detectives Ryan and Esposito get the Ferrari to share," Martha continued. "As well as Richard's tie collection for Ryan because apparently Mrs Ryan has bad taste in ties. Oh and Detective Esposito gets my son's collection of leather jackets. If they fit."

Martha looked up and smiled. "Any of the clothes us ladies don't want to keep for memories, Richard has kindly agreed to donate to my school for props."

Beckett bit her lip. When her mother had died, her clothes had stayed in her closet for well over a year. Eventually her father had cleared them out, and had asked her if she wanted anything. At the time she couldn't bear to look at them and had said no. Something she had always regretted.

Thankfully, a few years ago when she had come home to get copies of photos after her apartment had blown up, she found her mother's clothes. Her father had packed all her clothes away in vacuumed-sealed bags. She had taken out one of her mother's favourite shirts and put it on. When her father had seen her wearing it, she was worried about his reaction. He simply smiled. Apart from one or two items, he had kept the rest for her. If wearing her mother's clothes made her feel happy, then he wanted her to do it.

"Ok here we are. After Richard has made all his donations and whatnot, the rest of his estate is to be divided up as follows. Even though I told Richard I didn't want anything, he has given me 6 % as well as any royalties that come from his books except the Heat and Storm series."

Beckett smiled. Martha was a proud woman. She knew how torn she had felt when Chet had left her money from his estate. When she needed more money for her school, she hadn't asked her son for it: she had gone to apply for a loan. A loan that nearly got her killed, but a loan regardless. 6% would still be a large amount, more than enough to pay off the loan that she had eventually gotten despite Castle's constant protest.

If Castle had left Martha 6%, and each of his ex-wives 2 %, than Alexis was left with a tidy sum of 90 % of the estate. That is, in the long long distant future when Castle finally died. Nope, she wasn't even going to think about it. Castle was fine. He was shot but he was going to survive.

Why were they even reading his will anyway?

"Can we just put it away? I don't want to hear Castle's will. He is going to be fine." Beckett stood up. She had come here for answers, not a death sentence.

"Katie, sit down," her father told her. "We know Rick is going to be ok. You need to hear the rest of it though. You need to know what Rick has been feeling."

Beckett bit her lip. Fine. She would sit down and listen to Martha read out how his daughter got the rest of the estate proving what she already knew. Castle loved his daughter very much.

"To my daughter Alexis, who is by far the best thing I have ever created. I leave 45 % of my estate, with the house in the Hamptons so you can enjoy many summers there with your children and any royalties from the Derrick Storm series."

Beckett frowned. "Only 45%. Surely he didn't leave the other 45% to some person that has come up with some crazy idea?"

Both Jim and Martha were giving her very peculiar smiles.

Martha cleared her that again. "To Kate, I leave 45% of my estate, the loft, all royalties from the Nikki Heat series, and my plot on the moon, because being with her makes me feel like I can fly there."

Beckett's mouth dropped open. "There must be some mistake,"

Jim shook his head. "I drew it up Katie, there is no mistake."

Beckett turned to look at Martha. "You knew about this?"

Martha nodded. "I was there when he signed off on it."

Beckett's mouth gaped open. "Why didn't you try talking him out of it?"

Martha laughed. "Out of what, dear? When it comes to you, my son has held back, on everything but this. I was glad to see him taking a stand."

Beckett frowned. "What do you mean, held back?"

Martha sighed. "My son has been very careful with you, Kate. It was like the two of you were doing some crazy dance before you got together. He would take one step forward and you would hold your ground. He would take another set forward and then you would take one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. I am surprised the two of you managed to get together, but one day you took a step forward. I was so glad when that happened, Kate."

Beckett stared at Martha. The woman had such insight. She had only let Castle get so close before, and if he stepped over the imaginary line she had created, she retreated. However, Beckett could hear the unsaid "but" in there.

"But?" Beckett finally offered up.

"But now the two of you are together, my son has been afraid to even take one step forward in case you go running ten steps back. He really loves you Katherine, and he doesn't want to lose you. He jumped the gun with both his previous marriages. My son is just so eager to love and be loved back. He doesn't want to get hurt again. So he has held back with you."

Beckett sighed. She knew what it was like to get hurt and that had been a big part of why she had kept Castle at a distance for so long.

"You think he hasn't been offering you commitment, but he has dear. For once in his life, Richard has been subtle. He hasn't asked you to move in, yet he conveniently forgot to ask you for his keys back. There was no empty drawer for you to put your clothes in, but there are a lot less clothes in his closet now. The milk in the fridge is the one you buy. He once emptied out his pockets at the end of the day, and there were tampons in there along with his keys and wallet. He said your pants didn't have pockets on them that day. If that's not commitment, then I don't know what is!"

Beckett smiled.

The tampon incident.

She remembered it vividly. As per usual, she had been wrapped up in a case, and hadn't realised it was that time of the month. She had woken up to see that Satan had arrived during the night. Spending time soaking her underwear so she didn't lose another pair meant she was running late. Without thinking, she had grabbed whatever clothes she had put out the night before and put them on.

It wasn't until hours later she discovered the dilemma. As she was heading out to go speak to a suspect, she had reached into the back of her drawer to get the tampons she always kept there. Keeping her hand clenched, she had tried to put the items in her pocket without drawing attention to herself. Men were often such babies when it came to feminine products. The trouble was her pants didn't have pockets. Well they did, but the stupid sewn shut ones. She then had reached for her jacket and discovered the designer had the same idea. There was no way she was putting one in her bra again. Ryan and Espo still brought up that incident. Best ever takedown of a suspect, they constantly reminded her.

She had grimaced, and the ever-observant Castle had noticed something was up, and as usual wouldn't let it go. She thought she would shock him like she had done on so many occasions. Opening her hand she presented the brightly coloured tampons to him. He looked at them, then looked back up at her and shrugged. After explaining she had nowhere to put them, Castle simply grabbed the tampons and put them in his pocket. He had even sneakily handed her one when she mentioned she was heading to the restroom later in the day.

Beckett looked at Martha and her father. "He is sensitive to a woman's needs but.."

"Katie, you can't make work your whole life, but I don't see why you can't have both."

Beckett shook her head at her father. "It wouldn't work Dad. This job would be very demanding. So much more than what I am doing now. If Castle didn't work with me now, we would hardly see each other." Beckett then frowned at her father. "Dad. You have made work your whole life. Isn't that a bit pot calling the kettle black."

Jim sighed. "I have made work my life now. That's only because I lost the love of my life. I lost your mother, and because I handled that badly I lost you in a way."

Beckett shook her head at him.

"Don't try and deny it, Katie. Things haven't been the same between us since Johanna died, and that's my fault. So I have thrown myself into my work. I am also honouring what your mother wanted by working still."

Beckett frowned. It wasn't as if her father was fighting for her mother's cause. In fact, as far as she knew, he had never even looked at it.

"I don't understand."

"We were looking forward to being grandparents. Your mother was scared you would go off and get pregnant at the age of 16 just to spite us, but she would have supported you regardless. We would sometimes sit and plan what we would be like when we were old. Your mother wanted to go grey gracefully. Then colour her hair a very light shade of purple grey."

Jim laughed at the memory. "We decided we were going to retire early and look after our grandchildren, so that you could continue working if you wanted to. We wanted to give our grandchildren the "fun" grandparents you never had. We were smart with our money, made investments. The plan was to retire and maybe work part time or pro bono the minute you announced you were pregnant. It hasn't happened yet so I still work. "

Beckett was shocked about this announcement.

"Why didn't I know about this?"

Jim shrugged. "I didn't want to pressure you. Didn't you think it was unusual that a grown man brought a candy jar a few years ago."

Beckett watched as her father got up and went to retrieve the jar that was sitting on the counter.

"I keep it filled for the neighbour's grandkids. I was hoping that my own would come running in one day. Even though it would spoil their dinner Poppa would still let them sneak some."

Beckett looked at the jar he placed on the table. Poppa. He wanted to be called Poppa. Her mother had wanted to see her grandkids. It was the normal thing that most parents wanted. Beckett had never really thought about her parents wanting that.

"You know Jim. My Alexis doesn't have a grandfather in her life, and even though she is 18 I know she loves candy."

Beckett turned to look at her father and saw him smile and sit up a little straighter.

"Well, you tell her my door is always open to her."

Martha laughed. "I'd be careful with that offer Jim. She might come and start raiding your fridge."

Beckett sat there in silence as a conversation went on around her. After a few seconds she had enough.

"I have to do what's best for me, not what everyone else wants."

Jim placed a hand on his daughters shoulder. "You asked for my help Katie. I am just telling you the facts."

"Yes dear," Martha added. "I am not telling you to marry my son. I just want you to make sure you are making the right decision. I too have been faced with making life changing decisions when it came to my career and Richard. I'll be honest I made a lot of bad decisions but I also made some good ones. I didn't have my family's support like you have."

Beckett turned to look at Martha. She knew the woman didn't just mean the support of her father. Martha was offering her support, too. She was insinuating that they were family despite the fact there wasn't a ring on her finger.

"I am just confused dear," Martha told her. "I thought when it came to your career and Richard you had already made your decision to chose him, a year ago."

Beckett shook her head. "I only got this job offer recently Martha"

"Oh I know that, I meant your current job. I know you and Richard got together when you quit but you still went back to the job. You knew you could get fired for dating a coworker and yet you did it anyway. I assumed you felt that it was worth the risk. That Richard meant more to you than your career. You love being a detective, otherwise you wouldn't have gone back to the job. You could have gotten a job elsewhere and still been with Richard, but you didn't."

The words seeped into Beckett's thick skull. She was right. As much as she loved being a cop, she had put it all on the line to be with Castle.

"Is it because your relationship doesn't need to be a secret anymore that you want out? Are you ashamed to be with him?"

Beckett was shocked by this statement. "No. I am not ashamed of Castle."

Martha shook her head. "Then I don't understand. If you didn't think that Richard was committed to this relationship, then why did you even start one with him? You knew it could potentially destroy your career and your friendship, but you went for it anyway. After four years, you finally made the leap. Why? What made you change your mind?"

What had changed her mind? What had finally made her take that leap?

Almost falling.

"I nearly died," Beckett whispered.

"You and Richard have nearly died plenty of times. What made this time different?"

Memories of dangling over the edge of the building flooded Beckett's mind. The sound of the busy street below her couldn't be heard. Everything was silent and still. Until her own voice broke through. Castle!

"I was alone," she stammered. "Rick left me. He told me to back off and I didn't, so he didn't want any part of it. He has always been there for me in the past, but not this time." Beckett took a deep breath as the memories hit her. "He has always been there for me, supporting me, both physically and emotionally. When Dunn was after me, he came to my apartment to protect me. I laughed at the idea because what was he going to do and yet I let him stay anyway. It felt nice knowing someone was there for me."

Martha stroked her arm and nodded encouraging her to go on.

"And then he came back for me when my apartment blew up. Gave me his jacket and helped me hobble out. Then there was the time when we were quarantined. Josh had left and Rick offered me emotional support. He held me in the freezer. Held my hand when the bomb was about to explode. When I was shot, he tried to knock me out of the way, but then he held me making me feel safe. Then there was the time when we went into the river. I was stuck in my seat and Castle nearly drowned trying to find my gun. He got me free before shooting out the window. Then there was the time he stood in front of a hungry tiger, and then,"

"Umm how come I didn't know about all these near death experiences?" Jim asked, interrupting his daughter. He shook his head. "I am just glad Rick was there with you."

Martha sighed. "I'll be the first to admit that my son has the attention span of a goldfish except when it comes to things he really cares about. Things like me, Alexis, his writing and most recently you. He turned his back on you because he felt like you had done the same to him. You were alone on that rooftop, but you were alone before Rick came along."

Beckett nodded. "I was. Dad was right: we are different without mom. Then Castle came along and things changed, but in a good way. I nearly died and all I could think about was Castle. I kept screaming his name, hoping he would show up. I even thought I heard him calling my name but it ended up being Ryan. When I was finally safe and had both my feet on solid ground, I looked for Castle but he wasn't there. It felt as if my whole world had exploded and there was nothing left," Beckett gulped as she tried to force the tears back. "Just like I felt today. Seeing Rick lying on the ground, blood pouring out of him." Beckett gasped for air as she felt another attack coming on. "It was just like when Mom died. I thought he was gone forever."

Beckett couldn't hold it in any longer. Her body slumped forward on the table and she burst into tears.

"What am I going to do?"

Martha and Jim exchanged a look over the top of the fallen woman.

"You stop hiding in your work," Jim told her.

"You stop hiding from what's in your heart," Martha added.

* * *

Authors Note: So I have some very exciting news people. There is going to be a Castle promo featuring Castle fans reactions to Watershed. AHHHHHH. Guess who is hopefully going to be in it. Me! AHHHHHHHH. If you are not aware I do You Tube reviews for every ep. If you like, go to You Tube and type in Watershed review Castle. It's pretty much the first thing that comes up. So anyway some part of this review along with other fan reactions is going to be used for a Castle promo. Pretty cool huh. So as far as I know the promo is meant to be played during Monday nights Bachelorette finale and possibly all though August. Just PM me and I can contact you if I know more. Or follow me on Twitter for updates. Natalie NattieLizzie

AHHHHH


	4. Chapter 4

So did everyone see the Castle season 6 promo. AHHHH haa haa . It was so awesome. For those who don't know. I was in it. AHHHH. I was the second fan video shown after the words "Have waited five years". That's me squealing with all the hair going everywhere. If you haven't seen it yet go to you tube. Castle Season 6 Promo #1 (HD) By televisionpromosdb. Is a good one to check out. If you want to see my reactions to being in the promo check out my video. My Reaction Castle season 6 fan promo By NelieFirefly and if you're interested check out my reviews of the eps and other stuff I have posted. AHHHHHHHHH

**On with the show**

* * *

Beckett groaned as she heard her phone ringing. She reached over to the bedside table and snatched it. With blurry eyes, she looked at the screen and saw a number she didn't recognise. Swiping her finger across the phone, she sleepily held it to her ear.

"Beckett,"

"Kate. Hi, I didn't wake you, did I?"

Beckett sat up in bed.

"Rick! Are you okay? What's wrong? Are you okay? I'm awake," she rapidly fired out.

"I'm okay, considering I've been shot,"

Beckett trembled. He sounded so weak and unlike him on the phone. He was talking, though. That was a good sign.

"Why didn't you tell me being shot hurt this much?"

Beckett smiled. Well now that was Castle.

"Well, you know what you're like, Castle. You like to act out the scenes yourself. You probably wouldn't have believed me if I told you."

She heard him scoff. "Yeah probably."

Beckett bit her lip. She wasn't sure what to say now. It wasn't a conversation to have over the phone. When she heard a knocking on the door, she was glad for the reprieve.

"Can you hold on for a second, Rick?"

"Umm sure. Not really going anywhere."

Beckett tapped the hold button on her phone as Martha pushed open the door.

"I wasn't sure if you would be up this early. I heard you get up a few times last night."

Beckett winced. "Sorry."

Martha waved her off. "No problem, I couldn't sleep either. No matter how old your children get, you still worry about them when they aren't at home."

Even though at times Martha appeared flighty, and Castle grumbled about his childhood, it was clear that the woman loved her son.

"I'm just on my way to the hospital. I thought you might sleep in and I was wondering if I should take some of Richard's things to him. I can wait for you if you'd like."

Beckett shook her head. "I'm on the phone with Rick now. I'll bring his things in with me. I need to make a stop on the way there, but I should be there in 2 hours max,"

Martha nodded. "Well, say hello to him for me darling. Tell him not to worry. Mommy's going to be there soon take care of him."

Beckett couldn't contain her smile. She wasn't sure how Castle was going was going to respond to that. "Okay. I will."

She waited until Martha had closed the door before taking the phone off hold.

"Are you there Rick?"

"Yep, still here by my lonesome."

Beckett immediately felt guilty. She wasn't there with him, but that was so Alexis could stay. Beckett frowned. "Where's Alexis?"

"I sent her to go and get some breakfast."

"How is she? She was trying to keep it together yesterday."

Alexis had done a better job than she had.

"She is playing the parent as usual, fussing over me. Almost makes it worth getting shot, having my little girl take care of me. You think if I offer to get her that pony, she will move back home?"

Beckett smiled. She knew how hard it was for Rick to have Alexis gone from his home.

"I think she'd prefer you being out of hospital better."

"Yeah. She told me you flashed your badge to get her to see me in recovery. Thank you."

Beckett shrugged even though he couldn't see her. "I would have pulled my gun out if I needed to. She needed to see you,"

"And you?" he asked. "Didn't you need to see me?"

Beckett sighed - it was time to stop lying. "So much, but I didn't know if I could handle seeing you like that,"

"I find that hard to believe, Kate. After everything we have seen."

Beckett noticed the slight trace of anger in his voice. She bit her lip.

"I am not the woman I used to be, Rick, and even I am finding that hard to believe. I have seen a lot of terrible things in my time. By far the worst thing I have seen apart from my mother's crime scene photos was you lying on the ground bleeding. I guess it's different when it's someone you love."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean..."

"No," she cut him off. "It's fine. I guess I'm finally understanding what it was like for you, when it happened to me. Although, according to Lanie, you kept it together at the hospital. I'm going to be honest with you Rick, I was hysterical."

"But I'm fine Kate; it was just a shoulder wound."

Beckett suddenly felt agitated. "Just a shoulder wound. Rick, you were shot! Do you not understand how serious it is? It could have hit an artery. The bullet could have ricocheted off bone. You could have lost all ability to use your arm. You could have died because of me,"

"Kate, this is not your fault,"

"How can you say that? You were there because of me!"

"Do you blame me for you getting shot?"

Beckett frowned. "What?"

"When I was at the hospital waiting to find out if you were dead or alive, I told mother the same thing. That it was my fault you had gotten shot. I looked into your mother's case. I brought it all on."

Beckett pulled the blankets around her more tightly, suddenly feeling very cold.

"You never told me that before."

"Because Mother made me realise that it wasn't my fault. I was there for you, I stuck by you. That's what is important."

A tear rolled down Beckett's cheek. "But I didn't stick by you Rick. I ran off to do my job."

"Good."

Beckett sniffed back a tear. "What?"

"Good. You went after the guy that did this to me. Do you know how many times I have thought I should have gotten off the ground and chased after the guy that shot you?"

Beckett shook her head. "That's ridiculous Rick. There were plenty of other cops there and they didn't catch him, what could..." Beckett stopped. She really shouldn't finish that sentence.

"What could I have done?"

Beckett gritted her teeth. Damn him for being able to read her mind.

"You're right, Kate. What could I have done? I didn't have a weapon or any fighting skills, yet I still wanted to go after him to get justice for you. You have the skills to take down a gunman, Kate, when no one else at the playground did. You got justice for me, there was nothing else you could."

"I could have stayed with you,"

"While others got killed? Kate, I passed out within seconds of being shot because I'm a wimp and couldn't handle the pain. I didn't know the difference then if you were with me or not."

"But I know the difference," she told him.

"And I know that. I know you wanted to be but couldn't. That's okay. I don't blame you Kate, but I do miss you. I woke up and you weren't here and I wondered why?"

Beckett wiped away her tears although more threatened to fall. "They would only let one of us stay. For once in my life, I decided not to be selfish. Your daughter needed you. I wasn't in the right state of mind to be staying either."

"Alexis told me she offered to let you stay."

"I could never come between you and your daughter Rick."

"I know you wouldn't. Alexis knows that, too. She was really worried about you yesterday. Alexis said you were acting very unlike Beckett. She told me she would have been okay with it if you stayed. That's why I'm calling you. Alexis practically insisted I do it as soon as I woke up."

Beckett didn't say anything, she was in shock. When Rick had first told Alexis about them, she had acted out. It was only later that they found out it was more to do with going to college than their relationship. Admittedly, Beckett had spent a lot more time with Martha than Alexis over the past year. She got along well with Alexis, but never tried to overstep the boundaries by trying to be a mother instead of a friend to her. When Alexis had been kidnapped, she had kept it together for Rick and Martha, but inside she a mess. She really cared about Alexis. The fact that Alexis was worried about her spoke volumes.

"Your family really cares about me, Rick."

"This surprises you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"It shouldn't, they cared about you long before we started dating."

"I'm starting to realise that. Your mother especially, I don't think I could have gotten through this without her."

"How is she?"

"She's hiding it well, but she is worried about you, Rick. She is on her way to the hospital now."

"Oh. How do you know?"

"Well, she was just here. That's why I had to put you on hold,"

"My mother was there?" he asked.

"Yes. She's wearing a new dress, by the way. It wouldn't hurt to mention it. Try and lift her spirits a little. She said to tell you Mommy is on the way to take care of you, by the way."

"Why didn't my mother just call you?"

Beckett sighed. "Because unlike you, your mother can walk the ten steps to your room to talk to me."

"You're at the loft?" he asked surprised.

Beckett snuggled down deep into the bed. "Yeah, I am."

Silence hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity.

"Listen Rick, I'm still in bed. I should get up and shower. Before I come to the hospital, I have a few things to do, but I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Oh, okay," he replied, the sadness evident in his voice.

Beckett bit her lip. "I shouldn't take too long. I just have to sort some things out, okay?"

"Yeah okay."

She could tell he was still upset over that.

"I'll be as quick as I can."

"I'm not going anywhere. It's fine."

Oh, how she hated that word. Fine. It wasn't sunny and clear, nor was he healthy and well. The word fine was often used in the wrong context. People often said they were fine when really what they wanted to say was, 'this sucks but there is nothing I can do about it.' Well, she would just have to deal with it when she got there.

"Bye."

The words had barely left her mouth when she started trembling. Bye. She now understood why Rick said until tomorrow. It did bring hope.

Somehow she managed to hang up the phone. Leaning against the headboard, she looked around the room. Castle's room, their room. At least, that was the way it felt. Even though she hadn't been there in days, there were her touches all around the room.

After her breakdown the night before, her father asked her to stay with him but she had declined the offer. She had gone home with Martha, who had insisted she didn't need to be taken care of. It hadn't been the reason she had gone. Even though the bed had been cold without Rick in it, sliding between the sheets felt wonderful. It wasn't the sheets that had caused the elated feeling. It was all about location, location, location. She felt more at home here than she had ever since she her mother passed. Even her parents' home didn't make her feel that way anymore

Beckett forced herself out of bed and quickly dropped to her knees. She felt stronger now but that wasn't why she was on her knees. Reaching under the bed, she pulled out the small suitcase Castle always took on his travels. It was always packed with his essentials for travelling, he'd once told her. Opening the case, Beckett smiled at the contents. His essentials comprised of his phone charger. Handheld game system and charger. Camera and charger. Travel battleships and checkers. Two decks of cards, one of a pornographic nature. Pens, notebooks and a few crossword puzzle books. In other words, it was Castle's bag of toys. It made perfect sense why he hadn't brought this bag with him to the Hamptons. He had her to play with then.

Taking the bag with her into Castle's study, she unplugged his laptop and slid it into the special built-in section. She added his charger and his special pen of the week. A pen to him was like a gun to her. It had to feel right in his hand. Beckett then moved on to the kitchen. Hospital food sucked, and she had no doubt he would be complaining and trying to bribe the nurses for a decent meal. Opening up the cupboards, she went in search of Castle's favourite items that he had hidden and didn't think she knew about.

After clearing out his secret stash and hiding some in her own secret hiding spot, Beckett returned to the bedroom. She pulled out another bag, and this time filled it with what she called the essentials. Just small insignificant things, like UNDERWEAR! She also added socks; his large personal bag filled with way too many hair styling products. While in hospital, Castle was going to have to dress casually. Much to his dismay no doubt. She knew what a fashion diva he was. A few pairs of sweats and button up short sleeve shirts later and she was done packing.

It amazed her how she didn't even need to think where his items were. She just packed them like she had been doing it for years. The comfort and ease with which she moved around Castle's loft never dawned on her until now. Stripping off her clothes, she headed for the shower. She needed to start the day off with a clean slate.

* * *

Beckett walked out of the elevator and ignored the stares she was receiving. She was used to getting looks, but she knew she was receiving them for another reason.

"Yo Beckett, what are you doing here?"

Beckett smiled at her friend. "Nice to see you too, Espo."

"You're in a better mood today. Is everything okay? How's Castle?"

"Yeah, how is Castle?" Ryan asked as he headed over.

"I spoke to him this morning. He said he was okay." They actually hadn't really talked about his injury. Whoops.

"You haven't seen him yet?" Ryan asked surprised.

Beckett shook her head. "I need to do something first then I am going straight there."

"You guys are okay, right?" Esposito asked, concerned.

Beckett nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. I just need to speak to Gates."

Esposito always playing the big brother. There were times when he was so dense and had no idea he had interrupted a heated moment. Then there were times when he picked up on the slightest difference in her.

Beckett walked to her desk, pulling Castle's suitcase behind her. She tied the balloons in her hand to his chair, hoping they would still be there when she got back.

"Balloons for Castle?" Ryan asked.

Beckett nodded. "I figured he would like them better than flowers."

"Everyone is going to sign a card for him or something," Esposito told her.

Beckett nodded. She imagined it would be one of the female officers who would organise that. Men were hopeless at that sort of thing.

"We'll bring it by later if he can have visitors then."

"Yeah, it should be fine. Is Lanie coming too?" Beckett asked as she headed towards Gates office.

Esposito nodded.

"Good. I'm sure Castle would like to see all of you."

Beckett turned and knocked on the Captain's door.

"Come in."

Beckett nervously entered and shut the door behind her.

"Sir,"

Gates had been looking at some files on her desk and but had looked up when Beckett spoke.

"Detective, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay home. If we need you for anything, we'll call."

Beckett nodded. "I appreciate that Sir, but I need to speak to you about something."

Gates stood up and crossed her arms across her chest. "Well spit it out."

Beckett took a deep breath. "I know you are probably going to be disappointed in me and think I am committing career suicide, but I have decided to decline the job offer."

Gates stayed silent but raised her brows at Beckett.

"I see."

"I've been offered a better position." Beckett told her.

"Really?" Gates questioned.

Beckett nodded. "I'll be able to stay in New York and see my friends and family. It's a job that I know will constantly challenge me. There will be times where I will want to draw my gun but won't." Beckett laughed. "And I'm pretty sure my boss will want me to use my handcuffs every now and then."

Gates frowned. "Just what exactly is this job?"

Beckett bit her lip and smiled nervously. "Wife."

Gates eyes widened. "Wife!"

Beckett nodded, nervous about the reaction she was going to get from Gates.

"I'm guessing by the two peeping Tom's at the window your partners don't know about this."

Beckett turned to see Ryan and Esposito looking at her through the window. When they realised they had been caught, they turned and pretended to be hard at work.

"No. They don't know yet."

Gates walked over to the window and closed the blinds. She then turned and faced Beckett.

"Congratulations Kate."

Gates then threw her arms around the detective and hugged her. Beckett would have been less stunned if Gates had punched her.

"Umm Sir?"

Gates pulled away from Beckett and smiled at her. "This is wonderful news."

"It is?" Beckett asked confused.

"Of course it is," Gates told her. "You're not getting cold feet already?"

Beckett looked down at her feet and then back up at Gates. "No. I'm just surprised. I thought you would be disappointed."

"Never begin to think you know what I am thinking, Beckett. This is fabulous news. I love my job Detective, but I love my husband more. Coming home to him makes putting up with you knuckle heads so much easier. Yes, you have given up a great job opportunity, but you are also taking on an even better one. The trick is to find a balance between your work and home life. I am glad to see you're finally doing that. So when is the wedding?" Gates asked, walking over to her desk and looking at her calendar.

Beckett was still trying to get over the fact that Gates had hugged her.

"Umm I'm not sure. I still need to tell Rick."

Gates looked up at her shocked. "You haven't told Mr Castle yet?"

Beckett shook her head. "He asked right before he got shot."

Gates waved her away. "Well then, you need to get out of here. Go to your man. Take as much time as you need taking care of him. Tell him I said congratulations too,"

Beckett smiled. "Umm thanks Sir."

Beckett quickly exited the office. She wanted to get out of there before Gates changed her mind. That and her captain was scaring her with all the niceness.

"What's going on?" Esposito asked.

Beckett shook her head. "Nothing. I just needed to ask Gates for time off."

"You couldn't do that over the phone?" Ryan questioned.

"Nope," Beckett told them as she untied Castle's balloons. "I'll see you guys later."

* * *

**Authors note: Ok so I originally had written a final chapter in different sections and then pieced them all together in one word doc. I then deleted each section. I than went to send the doc to my Beta and discovered only half of it was there. Had this full major freak out but then managed to find the other pieces. I then started doing a final edit and started adding little things here and there. I ended up expanding it and made it into another chapter. So you get a little bit more from me. Hope you liked it. **

**Review please and send your love**


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks ANNEM57 for being my Beta so people can focus on my story and not my faults :)

* * *

Beckett took a few deep breaths before knocking on the hospital room door. Just walking through the front door of the hospital had been hard. She had her breakdown here less than 24 hours earlier. Sometimes, knowing you'd had a breakdown was worse than the actual event. You felt like you were weak because you had succumbed. That was then, though, and this was now. Rick was going to be ok and so was she, maybe.

"Rick are you decent," she called out. Even though she had seen him naked too many times too count, she didn't want half of New York seeing Castle's butt. That privilege was reserved for herself and no-one else.

"Yes, but give me a minute and I can change that."

Beckett rolled her eyes and smiled. Same old fun loving Castle.

After waiting a moment, she opened the door and walked into Castle's private room.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hey."

He looked pale and tired, but he was alive and that was the main thing. She gave him a quick peck on the lips even though she wanted to do so much more. His daughter and mother were in the room however, and there was plenty of time for that later.

"Did you get me Angry Bird balloons?" he asked, surprised.

Beckett nodded as she headed over to the shelf that held numerous bunches of flowers.

"People thought I was heading to the children's ward."

"Here let me help you" Alexis offered.

Alexis took some of the balloons and handed a few to her grandmother. The three woman then set about tying the balloons to anything and everything. Beckett had gone a little overboard with the balloons.

"Kate. Why the bags? Are you going somewhere?"

Beckett turned to look at Castle. For a man who had been shot in the shoulder, he sure looked like a man who had been stabbed in the heart. Beckett looked at the bags she had wheeled in behind her.

"Rick, these are your bags."

Castle looked down at the bags. "Mine?"

Beckett nodded and wheeled the bags over to him.

"Whether you like it or not, you are going to be here for a little while. So I brought you some things. We have the unessential items like underwear and t shirts in this bag," she told him as she lifted the leather bag off of the smaller wheeled suitcase. She placed the bag on the chair beside the bed. Beckett then moved the hospital table from the end of Castle's bed to the middle.

"And this is your bag of essentials."

Beckett lifted the suitcase up and placed it on the table.

"My toy bag," he practically squealed.

Beckett levelled him with a look. "I thought it was your bag of essentials for travelling."

He sent her a boyish smile. "An occupied Castle is a happy Castle."

Beckett nodded. "An occupied Castle is a Castle that stays out of trouble."

This announcement caused the red heads behind her to chuckle.

Learning over she unzipped the bag. "I put your laptop in the top there." She patted the spot where his laptop was residing.

"He's supposed to be resting," Alexis told her. "He won't be able to use his arm for a few days."

Beckett turned to look at Alexis. "Speaking from experience, resting makes you more agitated. After a day or two in the hospital, I was going crazy. I needed something to keep my mind off my injury. And if we don't keep your father entertained..." Beckett left the sentence open and Alexis simply nodded and smiled at her.

"I would have brought you something if you had called me."

Beckett turned back to Castle and sighed. "I know you would have but I was too busy being stubborn. Anyway, I threw in a few extra things in there for you too." She lifted the lid back off of the suitcase and showed him the contents.

Castle gasped. "Junk food!" He reached forward and started rummaging through his goodies. "Just another reason why I love you."

Beckett scoffed. "Like you needed another,"

"Nommmrr," he managed to get out while trying to rip open a candy bar with his teeth and one hand

"Here let me Monkey man," she told him as she pulled the chocolate bar from his mouth.

Having his hand free, Castle then began to rummage through the bag.

"I put everything you need in there Castle," she told him pulling down the wrapping and then shoving the bar in his mouth. "If it's not in there, then you don't need it."

"Oh, he was looking for something this morning in his things, Kate. He couldn't find it and I told him to ask you."

Beckett looked at Castle expectantly. "What are you looking for Rick?"

Castle looked around the room nervously then back at her. "Oh it's nothing."

He then proceeded to gobble down his treat. Beckett bit her lip as she watched him become uneasy. Reaching into the v of her shirt, she pulled out her necklace before undoing the catch. She then placed the necklace on the table next to the suitcase.

"Are you looking for this?" she asked as she placed her finger over the ring and slid it off the chain. She then picked up her chain and refastened it around her neck.

Castle looked at the ring. And looked at it. And looked at.

"Rick, I know you wish you had the power to move things with your mind. It would be a cool power that's for sure. However right now I think the best thing for you to do is pick it up and put it on my finger yourself."

Castles head whipped around to look at her. "On your finger?"

Beckett nodded. "That's where it belongs, doesn't it?"

"Are you sure?"

Beckett took a deep breath and held out her hand.

Castle fumbled with the ring one-handed, and Beckett was worried he was going to drop it. He eventually shakily slid the ring on her finger before clasping her hand tight.

"What's going on?" Alexis asked them.

Beckett turned to look at Castle's daughter and realised the suitcase had blocked the whole exchange. Pulling her hand out of Castle's grasp, Beckett pushed the table away and gave both women a clear view

"Alexis, you're going to have a new evil stepmother," Castle announced.

Beckett's mouth dropped open and she reached over and tweaked Castle's ear.

"Castle," she used his last name only at work or when he was being naughty, and not in a good way.

He laughed even though he was wincing. "What?" he complained. "I was hoping you would be the bad guy when she gives me the pout. That and wield your gun at prospective boyfriends."

Beckett rolled her eyes but then turned to look at Alexis trying to gauge her reaction. The young woman seemed to be sizing the two of them up before a smile appeared on her face.

"Congratulations."

Alexis walked over to Kate and gave her a slight peck on the cheek before drawing her into a long tight hug. Beckett wrapped her arms around her future stepdaughter. It felt so right to be thinking of her like that and holding her.

"Thanks," Beckett told her before moving out of the hug so Alexis could hug her father. Beckett was immediately engulfed in another hug, this time from Martha.

"So you made your decision?" Martha asked her.

Beckett nodded but frowned. "Didn't you realise last night when I came home with you?"

Martha shook her head. "Your father and I thought you had decided to decline the job. Not that you were going to say yes to Richard."

Beckett smiled. "I realised the job that I wanted most was that of Wife. My work is still important to me but my family comes first."

"You don't have to give up the DC job, Kate."

Beckett turned to face Castle. "I'm not giving anything up, Rick. My dad made me realise that going to DC was just me running and hiding. I've never wanted to advance anymore in my career, I'm happy where I am. I now know that the only running I want to do, is down the aisle."

"Towards me, right?" he asked.

Beckett laughed. "Yes, towards you."

Beckett then grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. She looked into his blue eyes that created so much heat inside of her.

"Ok Grams, I think we need to give these two love birds some time alone."

Alexis then edged her away from the googly eyed couple.

"Right," Martha told them. "Well, Alexis and I are going to go home and do some damage control."

"There are already rumours on the internet that Dad died," Alexis explained.

Beckett grimaced at the thought.

"We'll return later with champagne," Alexis told them.

Beckett nodded. "Actually, the guys are coming past later so we can celebrate with them too, if that's okay."

Alexis nodded at her in agreement. Beckett watched as the two redheads gathered up a few things before leaving. Once they were gone, she turned to Rick.

"So have you got a kiss for your fiancé?" she asked.

Castle wiggled his brows at her, "I've got more than a kiss for you."

Beckett tried not to smile him but she couldn't help it. He had been shot and yet his mind was on one thing. Getting her into bed! Kicking off her shoes, Beckett decided to oblige him and climbed into bed next to him. It probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to be doing. No doubt a nurse would yell at her but Beckett didn't care. She had made her decision about where she wanted to be and no one was going to stop her for getting that.

Beckett snuggled her head into Castle's good shoulder and wrapped her left arm around his waist. He moved his shoulder slightly as his arm came around and rested it over hers. His finger touched the ring on her left hand a few times.

"So, we're really doing this?" he asked.

Beckett smiled. "Yes, we really are."

"When?"

Beckett tilted her head to look up at him. "When, what?"

She wasn't sure if his pale colour was because of being shot or because he was worried.

"Yes. When are we doing this? Not that I want to rush you or anything. That's the last thing I want to do. I just want to know, are we doing the long engagement. We'll eventually pick a date after we discuss it. Or are we going to a quick, all paper no party thing?"

Beckett turned around and gently rested her chin on Castle's chest, giving her a perfect view of the hair in his nostrils.

"Well, what do you want?" she asked.

Castle laughed for a total of two seconds before he winced in pain.

"Ouch. Don't make me laugh, Kate."

Beckett frowned. "I'm serious, Rick. What do you want?"

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"But it's your day," Castle told her.

Beckett sat up and looked at him. "Rick, it's our day."

"So I get a say on when we get married?"

Beckett shook her head bewildered. "You get a say on everything. The when. The where. You get a choice on the flowers, the colours, the guest list."

Castle looked at her confused. "Are you sure? Because that's not what happened before,"

Beckett ran a hand over his chest. "Well that was before, this is now."

A smile broke out on his face. "So I get a say in our big expensive wedding,"

Beckett froze. "Ahhh. Well. Umm"

Castle let out a small chuckle. It was the only way he could laugh without pain.

"It's okay Kate. My second wedding was this big expensive glitzy publicity stunt. I've been there, I've done that. I am interested to know what you want."

Beckett bit her lip. "I understand that you're a public figure. The fact that we haven't made it into the papers yet is astounding,"

Castle looked away and Beckett had a feeling that he had something to do with that. She had seen what he was capable of when people threatened his family.

"Anyway I realise there will be a certain amount of press over our wedding. Either before or after. I understand that. It's not so much the 'big' wedding I am opposed to. It's the expensive and glitzy."

Castle shrugged. "It's a wedding; it's going to be expensive."

Beckett nodded. "Okay. It's just I'd prefer the money be spent on making sure all the people we love and care about are there, and are having a good time. Not having tulips flown in from Holland or some $20,000 wedding dress from a Paris designer."

"Trust me that's cheap, but I understand. If you let me help plan, I promise not to go crazy with the spending. It's just I love you and I want you to have the best. If you want it low cost and low key, then I'll try my best. "

"No 100 white doves being released once we say I do."

Castle shook his head.

Beckett lay back down on Castle's shoulder.

"50 are plenty."

"Castle," she warned.

"Fine," he grumbled.

"There is no 'if' about it. I'm not planning this wedding on my own."

"So I get a say on everything, including my best man?"

Beckett giggled. "Don't worry Castle; I don't have a half brother."

"No, that's not what I meant. I didn't have one the first time and Gina picked the second time."

Beckett sighed. If she could put Castle's ex-wives in jail she would, for this and so many other things.

"A best man is a person who will support you, who has supported you. They are a friend, a confidant, someone you trust. It's your choice."

"I have a non-traditional choice for my bridal party then."

Beckett smiled. "Me too."

"Another reason why I love you,"

"You needed another?" Beckett asked.

"No, I'm just letting you know it's a long list."

Beckett smiled; she had a long list too. "I'd like to start planning the wedding as soon as you're up to it. I only want to be engaged for as long as it takes to plan a wedding. I understand these things do take time though. I don't need the exact type of flowers or venue to make my day perfect. I just need you."

"Let's start today. I'm up to it."

Beckett carefully leaned forward and reached for Castle's bag of toys. She pulled out a pen and paper. "Ok let's talk about the wedding party,"

* * *

Hey all. Hope you liked this chapter and this story. One more chapter to go and then its on to another watershed story. Man i just cant help myself can I?


	6. Chapter 6

"Yo, Castle. Did you get shot just so you could get Beckett to put on a nurse's outfit?"

Beckett opened her eyes and looked at her surroundings. When she saw three very bemused expressions from her friends, she quickly scrambled off of Castle's hospital bed. At some point they must have fallen asleep, because she hadn't noticed that Alexis and Martha had returned, either. Beside the young woman sat a bag that Beckett knew was a bag for keeping wine cold. Castle had brought it with them many times when they were having a late night picnic in his Ferrari. Well, she did say she was going to bring back champagne. The two women didn't seem to be phased by the fact she had been sleeping with Castle in his hospital bed.

"Who says I haven't already gotten Beckett in a nurse's outfit. I did have an injury when it was my birthday," Castle wiggled his brows at Esposito.

"Castle, your mother and daughter are here." Beckett glared at him but didn't deny his claim.

"Don't mind us dear," Martha told her. "We're used to it."

Beckett lightly slapped Castle on his good arm. "Do you want another injury? I'm sure Ryan and Esposito will let me borrow a gun."

"Or I'll loan you a scalpel," Lanie offered.

Castle nodded at her. "Oh, I get it. You just want my life insurance. That's the only reason you said yes."

Beckett rolled her eyes at her fiancé. A smile then broke out on her face. Fiancé. Her ridiculous fiancé. She had a fiancé.

"Some crime writer you are, Castle. If I want to collect, I need to kill you after the wedding, not before."

"Wedding?" Lanie asked confused. "What wedding?"

Beckett bit her lip as she looked down at her fiancé. Ahhhh.

"Did you ask Beckett to marry you?" Ryan questioned Castle.

"Bro! Without asking our permission?" Esposito asked, appalled.

"You didn't ask my opinion on the ring," Lanie scoffed crossing her arms over her chest.

Beckett lifted her left hand and looked at her engagement ring.

"Don't be too hard on him, Lanie. I think he did okay."

Lanie's eyes widened. "You mean he really did propose?"

Castle nodded as Lanie ran over to Beckett and grabbed for her hand.

"Oh, it's gorgeous, girl. You made the right choice."

"Thank you," both Castle and Beckett replied.

Lanie shook her head at them but didn't take her eyes off the ring.

"Beautiful," Lanie uttered.

Beckett bit her lip. "Speaking of beautiful, you would make a beautiful maid of honor Lanie."

Lanie looked up and her mouth dropped open. She stared at Beckett for a fewseconds before she finally managed to speak. "Damn straight I would," she replied as she threw her arms around Beckett.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, yes, yes I accept."

"Lanie, I can't breathe," Beckett told her friend as she tried to pry Lanie's arms off her.

Lanie pulled away. "I'm sorry. It's just," she then pulled Beckett back into another hug. "I'll be the best maid of honor ever."

"I know you will Lanie. That's why I chose you."

Lanie pulled back "Like you had another choice,"

Esposito cleared his throat and coughed. "Best man."

Ryan glared at his friend. "Subtle."

Castle and Beckett shared a look; they knew the guys were probably going to be disappointed.

"Umm, actually trying to pick between the two of you is impossible." Castle told them. "Both of you have been there for me. Two of the few people I call true friends. I am not picking either of you as my best man, but I am entrusting you to organise my bachelor party, instead."

Ryan frowned. "Isn't that the best mans job? If neither of us is going to be the best man, why do we need to organise the bachelor party?"

Castle shrugged. "Because my best man isn't a man, and I really don't want her at my bachelor party."

Esposito shrugged. "So, who is this woman that you're putting ahead of us?"

Castle looked towards the redheads in the room. "What do you say, Alexis?"

"Me, dad?" Alexis asked, shocked.

"Yes Pumpkin. Will you stand up there with me?"

"I.. Ummm. Kate, will you talk some sense into him. I thought they stopped the good painkillers."

Beckett smiled at Alexis. "He's making sense, Alexis. We were discussing details of the wedding just after you left. I fully support Rick's decision and I think he's making the right one."

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. It would be weird me being up there with the men."

Beckett walked over to Alexis and sat next to her.

"If you feel uncomfortable standing on your father's side, I understand. I already had to talk your father out of making you wear a suit. You can wear a dress, the same as Lanie's or something completely different. It's up to you. Would you consider standing up with me instead? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

Alexis frowned. "With you?"

"You're important to both of us Alexis. We'll be having quite a large reception. We want as many people from the precinct to be there, and your father has quite a few people who we probably should invite. The ceremony, however, will be very private. We only want a few people there. The people we love and care about the most. You wouldn't be standing up in front of 200 people, Alexis, just us here. Maybe a few others too."

Alexis bit her lip before shrugging. "Thanks for asking me to be a bridesmaid, Kate. But if you're okay with me being dad's best man, then I am too."Alexis got up and walked over to her father. "If you're sure, dad." When he nodded, she leaned in and gave him a hug, careful to watch his injured shoulder

Beckett smiled. "I'm glad - I need someone to look after him."

"Yeah, and I don't trust these two with the rings," Castle told Alexis.

Esposito rolled his eyes. "Right. Cause we were the one who gave Beckett's Valentine's present to Gates."

Castle looked at Beckett. "You told him!"

Beckett shrugged at her fiancé. "He wanted to make sure I got the best treatment from you. That you got me an appropriate Valentine's present. He's like my big brother, he has my back."

Esposito nodded. "That I do."

"So, will you have it on my wedding day, too?"

Esposito frowned. "What, you mean like security?"

Beckett laughed. "No Javi. You and Kevin are just as much my friends as Rick's. We were kind of having a tug of war over you guys. We decided if Lanie agreed to be my maid of honour and Alexis best man, that Rick would get Ryan and I would get you."

Esposito's brows rose. "You want me to stand up there on your side?"

Beckett sighed. "I promise not to refer to you as a bridesmaid Espo, just a member of the bridal party. No matter what Castle says, you will not wear a dress. It's just going to be us there but..."

"No, Beckett," Esposito walked over to her. "I'm honoured that you asked." He then pulled her out of her chair and gave her a hug, lifting her off the ground.

When he finally lowered her to the ground, Beckett looked at the man inquisitively.

"Esposito, are you ok?" she asked.

Esposito turned away from you. "Yeah, I just got something in my eye. Air conditioning is drying my eyes out."

"Dude, are you crying over being a bridesmaid?" Ryan joked with his partner.

Esposito growled at him. "Shut up Castle Jr. Like you aren't all giddy about being Castle's groomsman."

Ryan suddenly got a goofy grin on his face. "Well yeah," he took a step closer to Castle. "Thanks" he said extending his hand and shaking Castle's good one. Ryan then walked around the bed and gave Beckett a quick one armed hug. "Congratulations," then, not wanting to be outdone by his partner, he picked her up and whirled her around.

Beckett laughed at her friends' antics. "Thanks guys," she told them once she was back on solid ground.

"Well, I think it's time for a drink," Martha announced, pulling out the bottle of champagne.

Beckett held up her hand to halt Martha. "Just a second Martha, there is still one thing I need to do. You were really there for me yesterday and especially last night. Well, you've been there for me a lot. I know you're not my mother, but I was wondering if you would help me get ready on my wedding day."

Martha did something that shocked everyone in the room. She put down the bottle of alcohol before even taking a sip.

"Now I have something in my eye. Oh Katherine," Martha walked over to Beckett and held her tight. "I would be honoured. Thank you for asking me."

Beckett squeezed tight. "Thank you for accepting."

"Looks like I am missing out on the party."

Beckett turned around to see her father had walked into the room.

"Dad, hi."

Jim Beckett turned to look at the room. "The nurses were reluctant to let me in here as they said there were already too many people, but I told them I was family. Was I right in saying that?"

Beckett nodded at her father. She knew what he was getting at. The plan had been to call him after she talked to Castle; the spontaneous nap had derailed that plan. The fact her father had come here to see Rick filled her heart with joy. He cared about her fiancé.

"How are you doing there, son?" Jim walked over to Castle and offered him his hand. "Welcome to the family."

Castle shook the man's hand. "Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't ask your permission first."

Jim laughed. "Katie, are you sure you want to marry this fool? He obviously doesn't know you very well, unless that's how he ended up in hospital. He told you he was going to ask my permission for your hand."

Beckett laughed along with everyone else in the room.

"So, champagne?" Martha asked, this time picking up the bottle and opening it. "It's non-alcoholic. Richard shouldn't be drinking alcohol while on medication and he deserves to celebrate his engagement."

Alexis pulled out a bunch of plastic cups and began handing them to everyone. Once everyone's cup had a drop of non-alcoholic champagne which technically wasn't champagne but it would do, they all circled around Castle's bed.

"So what should we drink to?" Castle asked.

"I think we should all make a toast," Martha told the group. "To my son and future daughter-in-law. Life is a stage. If you forget your lines, just make something up," Martha then tilted her cup back and drank her non champagne as if it were a shot.

Castle seemed unimpressed by his mother's antics, but Beckett ignored the faux drinking. Her words were warming. Life was sometimes unpredictable even when you think you have the script.

"Oh, I'm next," Lanie told them holding up her drink. "To my Girl and her Writer Boy. There really only one thing that needs to be said. It's about time."

While the ME took a sip, her speech was met with a few cheers from Ryan and Esposito, the peanut gallery.

"Ok, I'll go next," Alexis cleared her throat. "To my father, please don't mess this up, I like this one."

Everyone including Castle chuckled at this.

"And to my future mother."

Beckett gaped at Alexis in awe at her lack of the word 'Step.'

"Now that we're going to be related, does that mean I have free access to your shoes and leather jackets?"

Beckett nodded at Alexis as she laughed. "You have granted me access to your father, the least I can do is let you at my jackets,"

"And shoes," Alexis added.

Beckett bit her lip. "And shoes." she reluctantly admitted.

"And you will teach me to run in them," Alexis asked.

Beckett nodded. "If you teach me your lazer tag hiding spots."

Alexis held up her cup and drank her legal drink.

"To the writer and his muse," Ryan began. "May your union bring you love, happiness, joy and memories to last a lifetime. May the joining of two hearts,"

"Take it easy Castle Jr," Esposito interrupted. "Drink up," Esposito then practically forced the cup down Ryan's throat. "To Beckett and Castle. I love you guys, I wish the two of you all the best," he went to lift his cup but then stopped. "But if I find out either of you has hurt the other, you will have to answer to me."

Beckett rolled her eyes at Javi's show of machismo but she appreciated it all the same.

"It's my turn I guess," Jim actually looked nervous. "To be honest, I didn't think I'd ever see the day that my little girl got engaged. Not that I don't think my Katie is special. That's the problem she is, so very much. Katie's light shines bright, most people need sunglasses to deal with it. When I look at Rick, I can see he basks in her light, almost thrives on it."

Beckett looked down at the man her father was talking about. He was smiling at her, the shine off his teeth almost blinding. She reached down and took the cup out of his hand so she could clasp it.

"Katie and Rick. Marriage won't always be easy, but I can guarantee you it will always be worth it. Here's to you."

Those who weren't holding filled cups clapped at Jim's speech. Castle and Beckett looked at each other and grinned. It was clear that their friends and family were just as delighted with their engagement.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Castle announced.

Beckett released his hand and put his cup back in it.

"To my future wife. If I wasn't laying prone in this bed right now, I would get down on my knees and thank you for saying yes,"

Beckett rolled her eyes while trying hold down the urge not to skip around the bed. Castle was thanking her for saying yes. Apart from a few smart ass remarks when they first met, Castle had always treated her with the utmost dignity and respect. He loved her, and had worshipped her body and soul on a daily basis since they had started dating. Her soul even before that. Yet here he was standing or rather laying in front of her father, his mother and daughter, and their friends saying thank you for that privilege.

"I love you Kate, I am looking forward to devoting the rest of my life doing just that," Castle lifted his cup to drink to their engagement.

Beckett blinked a few times. Damn that air conditioning. She stared down at her cup of fake champagne and watched the bubbles burst. Her bubble had burst yesterday when she had seen the prone pale figure of the man she loved laying on the ground.

Her bubble had burst in an instant.

Bang.

Bang. Bang Bang.

Bang.

Gone with no evidence of it even existing. It was as if her life no longer existed. He had helped create that big wonderful shiny bubble, then suddenly in a matter of seconds it was taken from her.

"Rick, you make me want to blow bubbles. Thousands and thousands of bubbles. Blow them into the sky and chase after them with such joy and wonderment. Even if the bubbles burst it will be ok, there will always be more to chase as long as I am with you."

Beckett looked up and surveyed the silent people before her. The air-conditioning was really working overtime today. Everyone was wiping at their eyes.

"I love you all so very much. Thank you so much for being here and sharing in this new journey with us. Cheers."

"Cheers," the people in the room echoed.

The end.

* * *

Authors Note:

Thank you so much to

**Annem57**: For editing this story for me. People can now focus on my creative talent rather than my bad editing/grammar skills : )

**LittleLittieZentara**: For being a great friend and someone to bounce my 'Crazy Castle' type theory' story ideas off of. Our skype sessions give me a chance to voice to someone other than the wall and figure out exactly where I want to take my stories.

**All those who have read this story but especially those who have fav'd or given a review**: I was so nervous about positing this story. I was worried I'd get flamed for it. I even took days to read the reviews because I was so scared about everyone's reaction. So thank you for the mostly positive reviews. But also to those who have said what they feel in reviews even when it goes against everyone else. That takes guts. Although those of you who are guests don't be afraid to get an account. I like contacting my fans not to argue back or get angry with them. I simply like to hear different points of view. It helps grow my writing so I can see things from a different point of view and write that view to . : )

Please add me to your alerts. I'll have another Watershed story up soon. Please PM me if you want to know some spoilers for it : ) I don't have a title or summary so maybe you can help with that.

Love Ya's


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